This is the fourth post in a series about why families with wealth so often go from rags to riches to rags in 3 generations. And one of the biggest reasons is simple: there is either no mission for the family, or the mission that exists is the wrong one.
We accept that CEOs and leaders in industry operate with missions and visions. We even call exceptional founders “visionary” because they act with clarity of purpose. Yet, for all the discipline people bring to mission-driven work, almost none of it gets carried over into their family life. When the family has no mission—or when members of a business-owning family don’t share one—they drift apart.
A CEO can direct employees and shape a company. A family is not built on command and control. Families must rely on voluntary association across decades. Many parents have attempted to force compliance, but it requires a constant grip on power, emotional distance, and a lack of vulnerability. That is not only unsustainable—it’s exhausting. And it leaves no room for grace.
What makes a good mission for the family?
I am still working that out in my own life, so I won’t pretend there is a perfect formula. This is best explored by a husband, wife, and any children old enough to participate. But James Hughes, author of Family Wealth: Keeping It in the Family, does an excellent job outlining the characteristics of a mission that works.
To paraphrase: A good mission includes the enhancement of the pursuit of happiness of each individual member, and the methods should involve developing human, intellectual, and financial capital.
We join families, tribes, and civilizations because together we can accomplish far more than we can alone. The tradeoff is that we cannot insist on total individuality with no consideration for anyone else. A healthy family mission makes space for each member to pursue their own happiness, while recognizing the shared responsibility to support one another.
A written mission should give every member a sense that there is room for them. It should avoid ideological rigidity and instead focus on practical, meaningful commitments. It should inspire—not by sentimentality, but by offering a place to belong and a purpose to uphold.
When everyone agrees to the same core values, the family can stay connected, support one another, and withstand adversity with unity rather than fragmentation.
And with that, the classic cycle of rags to riches to rags might stretch well beyond three generations—perhaps to five or more.
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